Day 9 - Monday

Perhaps my cries for help did not go unanswered as my time out on Uman was cut short. While I know that there are reasons, my reaction of genuine disappointment that I could not stay longer was proof of my progress and attachment. Just as the moments of “I get this” outnumber the moments where “I hate this,” I’m forced to leave and regress back to where I was before I left Xavier…

But Mama Lucy did invite me back anytime I wanted to come – perhaps for Christmas and New Year’s…. hopefully I’ll be able to bring something with me this time…as I was leaving, I asked what I could bring or do and was answered with Chuukese words for little girls hair clips, shampoo, lotion, perfume, a little basketball and a stuffed mouse….

Perhaps there is something about the boat ride that evokes reflection…maybe being surrounded by massive slopes that are not even specks on a map remind you of how small you truly are….but returning to Xavier sheds such different light on my experience. While I am in no place to comment on the accuracy of my Chuukese, if nothing else, my confidence has improved. Maybe confidence isn’t the right word. Maybe I’m just not as embarrassed to make a fool out of myself like I used to be. And now all I want to do is speak Chuukese. My first instinct is to translate my thoughts into Chuukese regardless of who I am speaking to – not to show off by any means but to practice. Now all I want to do is leave Xavier and be in a place where they only speak Chuukese. As I look back over this and eventually conclude this epic saga ( I swear only a few lines more!) - even though I cannot say it was all positive, the “Yay God!” is that my desire to endeavor has not led me to crash and burn but has left me at the point where I just want to know more……and the cycle continues.