Haikus

(Courtesy of recent community nights and both freshman and sophomore literature classes studying poetry!)

Wandering settler

Calmly looking for a home.

Boys cheer, clouds beckon.

Heads down, hands write fast.

Faces of contemplation.

Growth is visible.

Unrest is hopeful.

Light is not the absence of dark.

Believe in what stirs.

Begin to prepare

A sacred space, focused heart.

Cleansing needed.

Hips lead matching steps

Passionate Latin dancing

Sensual rhythm.

Long John skin tight pants.

Who confuses shirt and slacks?

That’s Michael Patrick.

Kosapw akurang. (Don’t make noise)

En kopwe chok aussening. (Just listen)

Use tongeni. (I cannot)

Valentine's Day Reflection

Homily

“And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, "Do you see anything?" And he looked up and said, "I see men, but they look like trees, walking." Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. And he sent him to his home, saying, "Do not even enter the village." (Mark 8:22-26)

So I was sitting in my office yesterday trying to think of what the Lord might want me to say in this reflection here today…when Vincia walked in….I didn’t doubt that it was the Lord’s way of inspiring me as she sat down and asked what I was doing… I had the Bible open and I told her I was trying to think up something for this morning…Something to do with Noah, the blind man and perhaps St. Valentine

She asked me….”who is this St. Valentine guy anyway??” and I was like “??? Maybe that would be a good place to start…”

So I go and look it up expecting to find this great, heart-warming story about this guy who really loved a lot of people…..and I search and search and search and find……nothing…..

There is literally NOTHING known about St. Valentine…..all that they can tell us is that he was an ancient Christian Martyr…and that “men respected his name but only God knew his actions.” They don’t know his birthdate, when he died or what he did to become canonized a Saint…..in fact the Church officially removed the feast day of St. Valentine from the calendar in 1969 because he was celebrated more as a legendary figure than an actual religious icon…..

So then how do we come to arrive at this world renowned holiday?? Interestingly enough – LITERATURE – and I’m not just saying that... cause I teach Lit – but legend has it that in the late 1300’s, Geoffrey Chaucer, in one of his writings made this SLIGHT mention of birds coupling off on the feast day of St. Valentine and from there it evolved into the way it is celebrated today….. It’s amazing right?? How Valentine’s day literally evolved from nothing ….it sounds ridiculous – but I think that Valentine’s day is the manifestation of this human need within us to make love tangible….to make love something we can see and touch…..to give love a color……..purple, pink, red…..to give love words – cards, poems, songs…..to give love an object we can hold on to – candy, teddy bears, flowers, valentine cards….

And I think that it was the same for the Blind man in this Gospel….It said that he reached out and touched Jesus – he needed to feel him standing before him …. And he needed to see – He needed his sight…..

What is so hard to understand - is that love is simply NOT something that can ever be seen – you can’t describe it, define it or hold it………..but you just know it’s there – you can feel it………and it’s the same with our faith…….you can’t see it or touch it – but it’s there – and you believe it…..

But God also knows that we’re human – he knows that it is not so easy to believe without seeing….and so that’s why He gives us days like this…….. to celebrate the tangibility of love………and that’s why he gives us Gospel readings like this – where Jesus physically takes mud and touches the man’s eyes……..puts his hands on Him and performs this miracle…………and that’s why God gave us Jesus – to be this living, real – see able, touchable embodiment of love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! :)

Naked Hope

“What continues to fascinate me is that those whose whole mind and heart were directed to God, had the greatest impact on other people, while those who tried very hard to be influential were quickly forgotten.”

Perhaps I am too stagnant to find my own original muse, but the words of Henri Nouwen find a way to continually inspire new thought patterns in my ever so narrow-minded perspectives. I know what you must be thinking – that even so much as pondering the above quote must have required some form of prior reading. Whether I should be ashamed or proud that I am actually reading an adult-reading level book with real words, no pictures and over 100 pages - I’m not sure, but a friend was generous enough to allow me into some of the personal reflections of Nouwen which touched him so deeply. I am grateful that my aversion to reading was not strong enough to deter me from finding beauty in the steps of his journey, which consequently, has profoundly affected mine.

As I feel the foundation beneath me preparing for yet another momentous shift, I find myself at a loss for feeling, passion, words and growth…Looking back in retrospect, I cannot recall the exact point where I slipped into spiritual oblivion, but I glance down now at my outstretched hands motioning the nonverbal frustration of unanswered questions… “Where is my center? Who is my center…do I have a center? Have I spent the last 18 months imprudently seeking influential status in the lives of those with whom I have come to live? Have I nourished a narcissistic desire to assimilate into the Chuukese community not for their benefit, but for mine? Have I secretly harbored an egocentric aspiration to be some sort of prominent teacher? Have I puerilely and selfishly wanted to make an impact beyond the realm of my comfort?”

Each shameful question pulling me farther and farther away from what should have been my center….a raw, genuine desire to follow the Lord.

***

In a recent reflection given by a few of Xavier’s most gifted seniors, one of the girls eloquently encapsulated and then flipped upside down the Genesis story by claiming that Adam and Eve did not fall from perfection because they ate the fruit…The fruit really had nothing to do with it. The Lord could have told them they could do anything they wanted in the garden with the exception of dancing the Macarena. But the serpent turns up the bass, they’re feeling the beat and before they know it they’re hands are behind their head and they’re shaking their hips – does the world still fall from grace? There were no magical powers in that fruit. Quite honestly, I doubt there exists an earthly repository of omniscient knowledge. What mattered was the fact that it was forbidden. God tested His trust in them. He put His faith in them and they let Him down.

Jesus trusted me with this calling. It wouldn’t have mattered where he sent me, or what He sent me to do, but He trusted me to always keep Him at the center of my life, my day, my actions, my motivations – to lead a life of blind, faithful service. He trusted me to live with His passion. I’m left with nothing more than the naked hope that He loves me and is proud of me in spite of my frequent inability to do so. “After all, everyone shares the handicap of mortality…It is in the confession of our brokenness that the real strength of new and everlasting life can be affirmed and made visible.”

The Daily Grind

It is a routine…I look forward to the first two hours to get me through my day of bell. class. lecture. disinterest. bell. class. activity. lightbulbs. bell. class. inquisitiveness. bell. class. challenge. bell. lunch. bell. grade. bell. lesson plan. bell. track practice. bell. dinner. bell. incessant questions. bell. power. bed. breathe. 6:00am the alarm beckons the sun up and I roll over to catch the fading remnants of the sunrise that perfectly complement any tree-house view. Time only allows for a quick five miler, but it’s just enough to get the blood flowing. Stretch. Cold Shower in record time before the 1^st…2^nd bells ring for daily mass…

* * *

Sometimes I don’t know why I do it…to be able to run, I have to be in bed early, I have to wake up early, it’s the same out and back route every day, some days I’m just dragging and sometimes it is just monotonous…stumbling down the hill trying to keep my sleepy eyes open. “Nesor Annim” to everyone who lines the village roads. Laughing with kids who run alongside - mocking you because they think it’s funny that you do this every day….get to the turnaround and do it all again….But I need it…and God exists in that. He exists in whatever desire it is that possesses me to get up every day. “The only way I become aware of His presence is that remarkable desire to return without any real satisfaction.” ~Nouwen. Is there abundant fulfillment to be found each day somewhere between the turnaround and the Xavier Rec House? Not necessarily. And that is the beauty of it.

* * *

7:30am – give or take a minute due to human error and a manually tolled bell…mass begins…Again I prod myself for answers as to why I go. Is each day a new, exciting, spiritually enriching high? Is the pope Catholic? Wait wrong joke. (and such is the classic example of the naturally disjointed progression of my fleeting thoughts) Absolutely not….it’s the farthest thing from it. But my subconscious desire leads me there, religiously, everyday. I don’t think I have missed a day this school year. The very thought of not having it as part of the morning routine puts me on edge. Sometimes…no…often times my mind drifts from St. Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians or the Gospel of Matthew or even the body Jesus Christ being broken on the altar……to assignments to grade, lessons to plan, feelings, stray thoughts craving attention, distractions…but for some reason, they are not as random and extraneous if I am able to acknowledge them in the presence of the Lord… Perhaps it is a cop-out for my all-too frequent and irreverent state of mind, but I have come to find a very deep mindfulness to be found in mindlessness. To go to mass everyday not necessarily for the powerfully moving experience it provides, but to sit quietly in a prayerful peace alongside students and co-workers and not have to talk, or teach, but to simply be with Him in whatever state my heart is in... that is the beauty of it.