The Daily Grind

It is a routine…I look forward to the first two hours to get me through my day of bell. class. lecture. disinterest. bell. class. activity. lightbulbs. bell. class. inquisitiveness. bell. class. challenge. bell. lunch. bell. grade. bell. lesson plan. bell. track practice. bell. dinner. bell. incessant questions. bell. power. bed. breathe. 6:00am the alarm beckons the sun up and I roll over to catch the fading remnants of the sunrise that perfectly complement any tree-house view. Time only allows for a quick five miler, but it’s just enough to get the blood flowing. Stretch. Cold Shower in record time before the 1^st…2^nd bells ring for daily mass…

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Sometimes I don’t know why I do it…to be able to run, I have to be in bed early, I have to wake up early, it’s the same out and back route every day, some days I’m just dragging and sometimes it is just monotonous…stumbling down the hill trying to keep my sleepy eyes open. “Nesor Annim” to everyone who lines the village roads. Laughing with kids who run alongside - mocking you because they think it’s funny that you do this every day….get to the turnaround and do it all again….But I need it…and God exists in that. He exists in whatever desire it is that possesses me to get up every day. “The only way I become aware of His presence is that remarkable desire to return without any real satisfaction.” ~Nouwen. Is there abundant fulfillment to be found each day somewhere between the turnaround and the Xavier Rec House? Not necessarily. And that is the beauty of it.

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7:30am – give or take a minute due to human error and a manually tolled bell…mass begins…Again I prod myself for answers as to why I go. Is each day a new, exciting, spiritually enriching high? Is the pope Catholic? Wait wrong joke. (and such is the classic example of the naturally disjointed progression of my fleeting thoughts) Absolutely not….it’s the farthest thing from it. But my subconscious desire leads me there, religiously, everyday. I don’t think I have missed a day this school year. The very thought of not having it as part of the morning routine puts me on edge. Sometimes…no…often times my mind drifts from St. Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians or the Gospel of Matthew or even the body Jesus Christ being broken on the altar……to assignments to grade, lessons to plan, feelings, stray thoughts craving attention, distractions…but for some reason, they are not as random and extraneous if I am able to acknowledge them in the presence of the Lord… Perhaps it is a cop-out for my all-too frequent and irreverent state of mind, but I have come to find a very deep mindfulness to be found in mindlessness. To go to mass everyday not necessarily for the powerfully moving experience it provides, but to sit quietly in a prayerful peace alongside students and co-workers and not have to talk, or teach, but to simply be with Him in whatever state my heart is in... that is the beauty of it.