Culture and Love
One glance from you takes my breath away
One smile will bring me to my grave, I must honestly say.
God must be so intelligent to create the person you are
Because your existence brings me comfort near and far.
Culture has been effectively strong, that no one could ever forget
For all girls to have affairs,
It should be kept a secret.
Respect is all that counts
In a unique culture like mine
To show it to brothers and elders so our love can shine.
This culture has been keeping us apart
Yet, so strong like a stone is what lies in your heart
You’re the most unique person I’ve ever met
And loving you is something I’ll never regret
Days coming by and I still don’t believe
That in just a few months it’s time for you to leave
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing
Nature morns even birds won’t sing
Crying of pain because you won’t be here
For only brightness shines when you are near
So look back on the memories we could share
Deep inside you’ll see my smile and how much I care.
We just completed the poetry unit in my sophomore literature class and the above is one of my student’s final projects. Between Colette’s poem, and a conversation with one of the Micronesians on staff - Eleanor, I am slowly gaining more insight into the culture here in Chuuk, though I’m certain I’ll never reach the point of comprehension.
Eleanor has been dating her boyfriend for about 9 years. They went to and graduated from Xavier in 1999, and have both come back to work here for the year. She is half Pohnpeiian and he is Chuukese. In the Chuukese culture, men and women are not allowed to be seen together alone. Thus, there is always a lot of segregation at any function or event – with women together in one group, and men fraternizing in another. Irregardless of whether the two people are friends or more than friends, it is a disgrace to the females’ family for a male to be seen alone with her. For example, there is a senior Chuukese female at Xavier now who in her freshman year was dating a Pohnpeiian senior. Often times they were found sneaking off together to different corners of the campus or to the huts behind the classrooms – typical teenage behavior – you know you’ve done it at some point!! Though I’m sure you’ve never encountered the wrath of irate male family members because of it. The male relatives of the females are extremely “protective” in the sense that they would resort to violence should a male disrespect their family by being found alone together. Because a lot of the students here at Xavier are related to each other, as in this case, many a fistfight has broken out as a result of ignorant violation of this custom.
Eleanor was explaining how she cannot go into town alone with her boyfriend because of her male relatives that live on island. Even though their relationship is very public in the sense that they have made all of their relatives aware – it is still “taboo” (and that in itself is an understatement) for them to be together without being married and should her Chuukese uncles see them together, they would most likely beat up her boyfriend. Eleanor made it seem as though the reasoning behind this mentality is that it makes the women seem like tramps if they are alone with gentlemen without being committed – ring on the finger. If a couple wants to see each other, it must be in a group setting – with other people around. She was also explaining how if they were in Pohnpei, it would not be as big of a deal and they could come and go as they pleased, but trying to maintain a relationship here in Chuuk is unbelievably difficult.
Collette’s poem, turned in only a few days after this conversation, expressed so many of the same feelings Eleanor had been speaking of as far as being a female in Chuuk.
Culture has been effectively strong, that no one could ever forget
For all girls to have affairs,
It should be kept a secret.
Respect is all that counts
In a unique culture like mine
To show it to brothers and elders so our love can shine.
These lines though so simple, are so powerful in that I can see firsthand – and feel through her poetry the frustration of being kept apart from the one you love – not because of distance but because of a cultural standard that dictates what the heart must feel. I’m sure it is difficult for the gentlemen as well, but the double standard lies in the fact that it is not as though a gentleman’s family would go and attack the female for being alone with a male. It is as if girls are in need of protection and are not entitled to make their own, or publicly affirm their decisions regarding their personal affairs. She is constantly forced to make this choice between her heart, and her attempt to appease her family. Listening to Elle talk was intriguing but almost surreal – I could hear the words she was saying, but there was and still is this inability within me to process them properly and understand - and I feel almost ignorant for my incredulity.
* * *
My schedule has also left me fortunate enough to attend the Freshman Chuukese class two days per cycle – a very humbling experience. Try taking a class with kids just over half your age – who know multitudes more than you –they’re all bilingual!! It’s so funny because I have these freshmen in lit class, but during Chuukese I’m copying their notes and asking them questions galore!! First semester was primarily language, but the curriculum has since moved on to more exposure to the numerous facets of Chuukese life. The other day we had coconut retrieval and husking lessons. (Coconuts are perhaps the most fascinating fruit to ever spring forth from God’s green earth!!!!) The Chuukese guys were the first ones up the coconut trees and as they started tossing them down, we gathered them up and started husking. As we were watching the process – I asked one of the Marshallese ladies if they knew how to climb and husk. Her response: “Girls aren’t allowed to climb.” Upon further questioning, she explained that especially in Marshallese and Chuukese culture, women are never allowed to be at a higher level than men – so a woman climbing a tree would put her at a higher level – and thus disrespect any males in the vicinity. For another example, if everyone is congregated in mass and a woman enters late, she cannot simply walk to her seat, but rather walks across the floor on her knees so as not to be at a higher level/taller than the males in the room. I feel as though I’ve unknowingly disrespected many males along the way as I gradually learn more about this ingrained mentality!
Coming from a culture that demands an equality of genders – particularly coming from a single sex high school that promotes the empowerment of women, and being raised by parents who have always ensured that my gender was never an obstacle to opportunity, it is very difficult to juxtapose my beliefs with the way of life here. I apologize because my words are not intended to be judgmental though I don’t know how they could be construed any other way….
