Monday, January 22, 2007

Nominee Question Form

Gates Millenium Scholarship Program Application.

21. Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?


A situation in which I believe two people were treated unfairly took place during a basketball tournament. Two of our best players were not allowed to take part in the play-offs as a punishment for their crime. Our whole basketball team was aware that they had broken the rules, but we still insisted that our coach change the punishment. We all greatly desired to secure our slot in the championship games. Unfortunately, our coach did not alter the punishment because she was told not to do so by a superior, the director of our high school. Every one of the players on my team was infuriated by the final decision because we knew we would not be able to make it to the championship games without our two players. Complaints and more complaints were all that the coach received from us. What we did not realize was that our coach had no choice and that it was really our two players that owed the team an apology. Our two players were not ignorant of the rules and punishment. It was their responsibility as members of the team to make sure they did not do anything to jeopardize our chances of winning.

During the actual game, all of us were upset with the coach and some of us even spoke unfairly to her. Half the members of our team refused to play during the game and our coach had to ask people to play. I felt awful every time one of the players said, in a very audible tone, that it was our coach’s fault we were losing. After a terrible loss to our rival school, I decided to talk to the girls as their friend and as captain of our team because I would feel guilty if I didn’t’. To ease my guilt, I spoke with the girls and explained to them that our coach had no fault in this. I told them to put themselves in her shoes and realize that she had no choice because the director of our high school had made it very clear to them not to break school rules. After a few minutes of silence, a couple of them said that they thought that I was right and that they knew very well that our coach wanted us to win just as much as we did. One after another, the team began to communicate and share thoughts and feelings. Finally, just as I had predicted, the whole team realized that we had treated our coach unfairly because we had all forgotten the real purpose of the games. As a result of my response, our coaches received the apologies they deserved and the team learned never to forget that we should always just play for the fun of the game.

~#2 Senior Captain

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Caroline Voyager

~December 18th, 2006
“Hey, we heard the boat was coming tomorrow and leaving tomorrow.”

“WHAT? What the filth foul filth foul! Are you kidding? We have a day left of finals. The students haven’t studied. The teacher’s haven’t graded….We’re not going to be able to go if it comes tomorrow.”

“It’s just a rumor, but we wanted to let you know.”

~December 19th, 2006 8:00am
“Hey, there’s no boat here yet, so don’t worry. It’s still leaving on schedule – December 20th in the morning.”


~December 19th, 2006 1:00pm
“Hey, the boat is leaving at 4:00pm today – be ready to go.”


~December 19th, 2006 2:30pm
“Hey, the boat is now leaving at 6pm - be ready to go.”


~December 19th, 2006 5:30 pm
“Hey, the boat isn’t leaving until tomorrow morning. Be there at 10:00am.”

~December 20th, 2006 10:00am
Arrive. Wait.

~December 20th, 2006 12:00pm
Wait.

~December 20th, 2006 2:00pm
Wait.

~December 20th, 2006 4:00pm
Wait.

~December 20th, 2006 5:00pm
Board.

~December 20th, 2006 6:00pm
Depart.

We sailed off into the sunset as we began our journey towards Pohnpei Рthe state neighboring Chuuk on the eastern side. The scene was so picturesque that it makes any descriptive attempts sound clich̩. A fairly large ocean liner (at least compared to your typical fiberglass motorboat) optimistically sailing towards the horizon, escorted by shades of rose, violet, fire and about a million and two stars competing for attention. Having a jejune understanding of transportation via the sea, the Xavier and the Saraamen Chuuk squads naively secured front row seats on the open deck of the bow of the boat. With childish anticipation we leaned over the railing to watch the docile waters carry Weno farther and farther away and we giddily awaited our chance to break through the threshold of the over-protective outer reef which tends to cradle our innocence inside the halcyon lagoon.



But there is a reason why you don’t go from rolling over to walking without first learning to crawl, you don’t go from diapers to toilets without training pants, you don’t go from breast milk to bbq chicken without baby food and there’s a reason roller coaster rides aren’t 3 days long. No sooner did we cross the barrier than the once imperturbable ocean grew incensed and left us at its mercy – lifting the bow until it vertically touched the sky and then nonchalantly releasing it to plunge back into the thrashing waters. For the 2 minutes that roller coasters are fun -that’s how long this was fun. It was even kind of fun when the entire front of the ship was soaked by what seemed to me at the time to be a massive tidal wave…. Yes, a lot of fun until I realized that any hope for changing into a dry pair of clothes was stowed away below the deck. With the color green washing over our faces, we knew it was going to be a long night.


Even after sledding, building snow forts and making snow angels until my extremities were numb, I really cannot recall a time that I have ever been colder. It was not the same type of icy chill brought on by the fury of winter, but rather the chill of being soaked to the bone for about 16 hours with no refuge from the constant ocean wind and occasional sea spray that re-saturated my clothes at regular intervals. As I laid down on my soaking wet orange towel, next to a stranger whose empathy made us instant friends, I prayed that it would not rain, I prayed that my shivering fits of frigid convulsion would not further agonize my new best friend, I prayed I would fall asleep to make the time go faster and I prayed I would not vomit over the side. It was truly an act of mind over body to stay focused enough keep my stomach settled and to keep my eyes closed so I wouldn’t notice the spinning sky above me. During one lapse of consciousness, I dreamt that we had arrived in Pohnpei. I had slept through the worst of it and we had made it safely. Even though I opened my eyes to the reality of the tantalizing illusion, I did notice the day beginning to break, meaning we had made it through the night.


From afar, we got to see the Mortlocks, four separate lagoons that compose the outer islands of Chuuk. Hoards of motor boats and outrigger canoes met the boat, which was anchored in the middle of the lagoon, (the shallow reef makes it impossible for boats that big to dock) in order to pick up or drop off passengers, food, coconuts, rebar and pool tables. After a day and a half of stop after stop after stop, we pulled up the anchor for the last time – not to be dropped again until the Pohnpei port. By now, since only few passengers were continuing on, as most had disembarked in the outer islands, and being the experienced and savvy navigators that we now were, we had claimed a prime spot under the green tarp on the deck. For the next 30 hours my butt did not move… because the very thought of getting up to stagger around a swaying boat made me sick. 30 hours of laying down, sleeping, or just staring into green nothingness. I got tired of sleeping, but it passed the time and made the turbulence easier to bear. 30 hours on hard wooden planks. My back ached from lying down. My hips hurt from lying on my sides. My arms were sore from using them as pillows. At night, bodies were just strewn across each other. In the middle of the night, I rolled over to find Riantho sharing half of my 1 square foot pillow, and I was about to get irritated until I looked down and saw my legs stretched across Dwyer’s stomach and resting comfortably on Jun’s head.

Though the experience of traversing the open seas by boat was absolutely amazing and equally gorgeous, never had we been so happy to spot land. Whether Pohnpeian or not, the faint outline of the landmark Sokehs Rock which welcomed us to the island was a glorious sight. It took all of us a few hours for the world to stop spinning once on solid ground, and it consequently took both teams the first few games of the tournament to get their land legs back…..

Team

Being part of a team has by far been among the most character building experiences of my entire life – the thrill of having a group of people sweating to achieve the same goal, living for the same passion, breathing the same sport, fighting together, rising together, falling together….It is an experience I wish for everyone to have but is perhaps an experience that is not for everyone…

Basketball here in the islands is different. Much more laid back. Your best is more often what it is, and not always what it could be. It is a difficult balance to find between having enough fun, but still being competitive…It was easy to do in Chuuk. The bar is not set very high. But playing to the level they play at in Pohnpei was a tough adjustment for the girls. There were all star teams who practice everyday, who work to perfect their game and who are committed to their team. After barely clinching the Chuuk High School Championship, the girls took a physical and mental break for about 2 ½ weeks to complacently celebrate, to study for finals and to finish the semester. Even so, I was hopeful that the excitement of going on a real travel trip, playing on a hardwood court with real scoreboards and real shot clocks would provide enough adrenaline to carry them through.

As part of me feared however, when they stepped out onto the court for their first game against Pohnpei Public High School (PICS), they were shell-shocked. It was like they forgot how to play. They were scared. They were nervous and perhaps still queasy from the boat, but when all was said and done, they got their butts kicked. People who had heard rumors of the indomitable Lady Navigators were left disappointed and did not hesitate to question, “What happened to your team?”

We sat down, regrouped and made a few adjustments. Maybe it was having Christmas day to relax or maybe they began to believe in themselves and their team, but Tuesday it was like a whole new team showed up to play. They went out and fought and battled and even though they were playing against the All-star team, they made a run for it and they played up to the Pohnpeian level of play instead of playing down to the level to which they had become accustomed. Game 2 of the day against Seventh Day Adventist School (SDA) was another battle that yielded more fruitful results – a little more positive reinforcement for their perseverance, ability to play under pressure and teamwork. For me, I got a glimpse of REAL coaching – depending on 5 starters, subbing, strategy, encouragement and most positively reinforcing for me was to see the measurable level of growth taking place.

Wednesday Night – Team meeting. I know I’ve mentioned it in earlier blogs, but substance abuse is a big problem out here, particularly in the form of what is called betel nut. Xavier strictly prohibits chewing betel nut and at this tournament, Fr. Arthur had made it very clear that if the athletes were wearing Xavier uniforms, they would abide by Xavier rules. Unfortunately a few athletes chose not to follow the rules and we found the evidence in the girls’ room.

My suspicions proved correct as I was not surprised when #3 came up to me and accepted responsibility for the spit-can found in her room. She was very apologetic, perhaps hoping that honesty would be enough to save her from her inevitable fate. She knew that she only had 1 more chance to screw up before she would be asked to leave and she had just used it up.

Looking back, her tongue and cheek apology was without remorse, as #3 and #1 (also skating on ice as thin as her cohort’s) were both caught sneaking around in the middle of the night with snuff when they thought everyone else was asleep and thus were too tired to make it to 7:30 practice the next morning… I was livid and I had a whole day to sit and brew. Unfortunately #1 and #3 were 2 of our strongest starting 5. At full strength we could definitely defeat SDA again, and with a little fire we could no doubt upset PICS to send us into the championship. The decision had been clear all along, but my question was whether or not I was strong enough to make it.

I tossed and turned all Friday morning and finally just got up and went for a run to clear my head. The last thing I wanted to do was go and play this next game. I didn’t know that my 40 most difficult minutes of my 2 years here would come in 4 - 10 minute quarters. I knew I was voluntarily standing before a firing squad and then being the one to give the lethal command….yet there was nothing I could do to avoid it.


The girls had heard rumors that #3 was not playing but I don’t think they believed I would do that to them…But out of tactical psychology or desperation, I didn’t tell them #1 wasn’t playing either….in fear that they would mentally check out before the game even started, or even worse, they would refuse to play at all.

I pulled the 2 girls into the locker room before the game and told them that I wanted to find any excuse that would make it morally right for them to compete, but I couldn’t come up with one. I told them that they owed their teammates a huge apology for letting them down though that suggestion was met with looks of confusion. In their minds – this wasn’t’ their fault, it was mine. I told them to suit up because they better cheer their faces off to make up for their absence on the court.

As only 10 players took the floor for warm-ups, they began looking around to find out why their lay-up lines were looking a little thinner. The referee’s whistle sent us into the opening huddle and the 2 girls apathetically wandered onto the bench, bringing looks of relief to their teammates – which quickly changed upon hearing the 5 starters. I heard the whispers. I heard the confused questions and I felt the team drag during the first few minutes. It was worse than the first game – way worse – like someone sucked the life out of them. Though we desperately needed a time out to regroup, I hesitated to call one because I didn’t want to face the girls. By the end of the first quarter, the questions had become more direct and the comments more obnoxiously rude. I explained that their teammates would not be playing not by my choice, but because of decisions that they made prior to the game. That explanation wasn’t satisfactory for any of them and I found myself in the middle of a near walk-out. 10 girls simply refused to play. Forget 2nd string, plays, having a point guard to bring down the ball, or a forward to rebound – I had to ask girls to play. I had to ask them to put 5 bodies on the court and I had to wait patiently until 5 reluctant hands went up. There was no coaching involved at all, as they were too indignant to care what I had to say. The best I could do was support them and encourage them for whatever it was worth.

When they did straggle back to the bench, I couldn’t even look at their faces. They were filled with pure unadulterated hatred – as if the devil incarnate was asking for their soul….and I guess in a way I was – asking for some courage and passion in the face of adversity…but it was too far gone to be asking for such a favor. “1….thank you……2…thank you……3…..thank you…..I need two more…..I need two more……I NEED TWO MORE before I walk over to that table and tell them we don’t have enough girls to play.” There came a point in the 3rd quarter where I thought I was going to have to go up to the scorers table and tell them that we couldn’t finish the game and would have to forfeit. Honestly, it would have been easier that way…but with a glare of death in their eyes two more girls raised their hands and took the floor. I had to thank them for volunteering to play.

With a little spark, more out of frustrated animosity towards me, they made a run in the 4th quarter but ultimately lost 39-30. I wanted to find God in those 40 minutes and I know he was there challenging me, but I couldn’t see Him – or I didn’t want to see Him. He was there though – keeping me composed – preventing me from absolutely losing it or from breaking down. After the game, the coordinator of the tournament, Heinrich Palik, approached me as I was walking out and sort of caught me off guard. Heinrich is a diehard basketball fan and legend in Micronesia who has worked fervently to give the youth in Pohnpei a chance to excel in basketball. He coaches the boys and girls BCOPS teams (Basketball Club Of Pohnpei Stars) both of which dominated the tournament despite being stacked with 8th grade rising stars. Heinrich is also one of the most competitive people you will meet, slaughtering teams by 50+ with the starters in a full court press. But off the court, he is the most gentle, generous man. He pulled me over, took my hand, looked me in the eye and said, “I heard what you did – disciplining your players…and I know it was so hard to swallow that loss…but I admire you for what you did.” His words were so simple but so poignant, and as I looked into his eyes and saw the eyes of Christ passionately staring back at me, my composure dissolved, I thanked him and excused myself.

It was a rough 2 days waiting for the closing ceremonies and the moment Dwyer and I could finally disperse and be relieved of our parental responsibilities. One girl out of the 12 apologized – the senior – who had maybe a few more months of maturity. Some still won’t speak to me and if they do, it’s with a look of icy contempt which I guess if you think about it is better than indifference, but it still cuts right through you. Some are civil. Some won’t even make eye contact – or maybe that’s just me deliberately avoiding their glance so as not give them the satisfaction of tearing me apart. Normally I hate endings and goodbyes, but this one was sweeter than Chuukese style coffee. Both Dwyer and myself were all smiles, and beyond ready to reclaim our freedom.

Though I’m well aware that the battle is far from over, the next week until school resumes will be spent in peaceful bliss until the imminent onslaught. I know I’m going to have to deal with the whole Junior Class again – the backlash of having 2 more of their classmates expelled. I’m not certain Lu-A will ever speak to me again – which hurts the most…..gossip spreads fast and students stick together and so if I’ve pissed off 1 student, it’s likely that I’ve pissed off the whole student body. I know the next 6 months are going to be difficult, but I also know in good conscience there was no other alternative. I’m certain that there is nothing I could have done worse, but frustrated not knowing what I could have done better. And so the best I can do is sit and pray that my heart can withstand the following weeks and months and that someday it will make sense to them. It will make sense that when you’re on a team, your actions affect more than just yourself and that a dream is not possible unless all 12 girls believe in it and sacrifice themselves for it. It will makes sense that as a team, you rise together and fall together and if you’re passionate enough , the harder you fall might also equate to the higher you will someday rise.