The Source

It was a routine pop-in-the-mouth, over-the-tongue eating of the M&M that her dangerous sugar addiction had led her through so many times before. Things go down the wrong pipe. Solids go down the liquid pipe, liquids down the air pipe. It happens. But this time was different. This one in a million got stuck. She felt it lodge in her throat, triggering an instant gag reaction. Normally a bit of coughing would clear the way and life would continue as usual. She couldn’t breathe. She felt her air passages constricting and labored breathing became no breathing. She tried to inhale. Nothing. She coughed to exhale. She turned, bent over, towards her family who was by now confused and horrified by the unnatural sounds she was making. She didn’t even know how to gesture them to help. In the time it took for them to swallow their own fear and determine the best course of action, , she had somehow by the grace of God dislodged the wedged M&M and took a loud, raucous, grateful gasp of air as if she had just surfaced from an underwater contest trying to swim the length of the pool and back. She went right for the water in the fridge and leaned over the open door thanking God for the sweet gift of breath, and cursing him for how painfully scary it was to have it momentarily taken away. Hearing her breathing return to a comfortable normalcy, her frozen family realized what had happened and began to make sure she was okay. She laughed and coughed. She didn’t know why she laughed. She was terrified – still shaking. Maybe that was her nervous way of dealing with it – of hiding her fear. Maybe she thought it was funny because it would have been a humiliating way to go out – embarrassing in fact. Nothing heroic. Nothing even so far as to say tragic. More unfortunate. Choked on an M&M. Maybe she thought it was funny because it could have been that easy. Maybe she had found somewhere hidden in that M&M that life was the source of her hurt. Maybe she was laughing because this should have bothered her more than it did. Whatever conscious or subconscious took place in her twisted mind, she knew one thing for sure, she would not be eating M&M’s again in the near future.