Look at me

One might think that the excitement I felt after my ladies won the championship would at least double after the gentlemen’s team brought home the gold just two days later. However, I unfortunately found myself bound by a resentment that not only marred my experience of the game, but continues to corrode a small part of who I am as a female in this culture.

The only differences between the ladies championship game and a ladies regular season game were the heightened number of and enthusiasm from the fans, and the eruption of celebration that ensued after the victory bucket. I figured that given the less individualistic nature of these cultures, the atmosphere of a championship game would naturally defy the level of intensity that I was expecting. Hence, my reaction was a quick paragraph of muted emotion, careful not to show a pride disproportionate to the importance Micronesians placed on the game. But I was sadly disillusioned when I stepped back into the Chuuk High, freshly painted, pristine and absolutely packed gym on Friday afternoon. My excitement and anticipation for watching the game as a fan in the crowd, instead of as a coach or scorekeeper were gradually drained out of me as I let the acrimony, and irritation simmer. The Xavier corner of the gym was packed with so many fans including the Director of the school, the principal, the cooks, the dean, the secretary and the treasurer, that they were practically spilling out onto the court. (This is even in spite of the fact that none of the freshman class was there due to their Community Service Project weekend.) The opposite wall was lined, rows deep with Chuuk High fans and locals that came out of the woodwork to see what all the hype was about. Before the game started, the referee announced the individual player names of both teams and had them line up and shake hands at mid-court and for the next 40 minutes, the gym, being acoustically unfit to support so many screaming supporters, shook with deafening noise.

Perhaps the most painful sites were those in which grown women put themselves on display, dancing, screaming and laughing hysterically. I realize the paradox in that statement, and the thing is, it’s wonderful to see women enjoying themselves. However, I was already seething from the blatant discrimination against the ladies teams, and then to make the direct connection between how countless offenses like this build up and explode into such a visible manifestation of the desire for expression, was agonizing. Knowing that their borderline immature behavior was a direct result of the roles they are forced to fill has made it very hard to watch and share in their pleasure.

This bitterness came full circle once I sat down to read my sophomore exam essays. One of the questions dealt with the treatment of women in the novels we have studied, and asked the students to additionally comment on how this compares to the way women are treated in their culture. Perhaps it was a selfishly asked question, as I was more interested in their comments as opposed to their reflection on the novels, but I should not have been surprised by the answers. Granted the answers did vary (some students feeling that women were treated equally, or even superior to men), but there were several that contained a commonly repeated theme. I received answers such as:

“Women just cook, wash clothes, and sweep. But if they didn’t men would starve, stink and be filthy. Women are not glorified but they do play an important role in life.” (Pohnpeian male)
“In some cultures like mine, I-Kiribati, the women are last. They are equal, but during feasts, traditions and assemblies they don’t’ have power over anything.” (Marshallese male)
“Women are inferior to men.” (Chuukese female)
“Women are expected to obey and respect men willingly. They aren’t suppose to do anything that offends men (ex: wear shorts, pants, answer back, walk around.) Husbands can also fool around while the wives are at home being faithful. Women aren’t also expected to take higher positions than their male relatives. In everything we do, males are supposed to be superior.” (Chuukese female)
“In my culture, [ladies] have more privilege. Women today in my culture cannot walk by when there is a brother of theirs sitting. As a sign of respect they kneel and walk on the knees. But unlike the men, ladies do more chores in the house then men. Ladies would have to wait for the men to finish eating, than she could eat.” (Chuukese male)

It is so obvious how the gender roles here in the FSM and throughout the Pacific are so rigidly defined. Americans can make jokes about women belonging in the kitchen, or cleaning up after them, but here – there is nothing funny about it – that’s how it is. I’m used to jumping in and helping out because there is work to be done, but lifting something heavy is a man’s job, and someone will promptly remove it from my hand saying “You don’t know how it’s done around here.” Likewise you would never see a man preparing food unless he’s out by the barbeque, because that is a women’s job. I think this is why women seize the opportunity to let loose and act the way they do at events like this because they are constrained by the way Micronesians define gender. It is not so much the pure expression of excitement, but a disguised expression of pent-up frustration – anything to make the statement that says “Look at me – I’m more than what I cook, what I clean, who I take care of and who I respect.”

Part of me wants to make excuses for the way thing worked out with the game. It was partly my fault for not seeing to it that the men’s and women’s championship games were handled comparably – now I know for next year. There was no school on Friday so it was easier for more people to come down and watch. The men’s game was actually against Chuuk High, where as the ladies played Saramen Chuuk, so it would make sense they would spruce up their own gym and draw a larger crowd. But there is another part of me that can attribute this difference to none other than the double standard to which women are held. They are not expected to be athletes. They are not expected to be aggressive. They are not expected to be on display.