Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Whatnot

I know that given the irony of my situation - fooling these unsuspecting freshman and sophomores into actually believing my convincing performance as a literature teacher - one would assume that embarrassing/funny stories would inevitably come with the territory. Besides who am I to object to a little levity in the classroom?

So my sophomores (and myself only a few steps ahead!) have been wandering through the trials and triumphs of the legendary Odysseus in his epic tale of The Odyssey. One can never be sure just HOW much the students are absorbing, especially since very few like to step up and ask questions. The English skills teacher and I had decided to team up in using some themes from The Odyssey for a graded writing assignment in his class. Now you have to understand that high schoolers at any age have an uncanny ability not so much to always absorb the information you are giving them, but to absorb little things about the way you talk, the words you use or quirky mannerisms. So the English skills teacher was talking with the sophomores about this assignment and inquired into what the word “Whatnot” meant. Apparently this is a word I use quite frequently without even knowing it – I suppose like a stall word. So they were like “Yeah Jaclyn uses it all the time and we’re not quite sure what it means.” So Chris responded, “well it means the same thing as saying etc. – do you know what that means?”
“Yeah. Ok. Now that makes sense – for a while I thought Whatnot was another character in the story!!!” J

“It is not an abundance of knowledge that fills and satisfies the soul but rather an interior understanding and savoring of things.” ~St. Ignatius Loyola (given to me by the one and only Trent Pomplun!!THANK YOUU!!) Mmmmm how true!

Lucent Obstruction

Perhaps the idea was delusional - coming to Chuuk and instantly being welcomed into the community, falling in love with the land - the people and living in solidarity with the Chuukese natives, all the while approaching the day when I could say I had finally begun to fit in. The more I learn about the culture here in Chuuk, the harder the realization is to accept that there is simply no such thing as fitting in. Of course I can wear the traditional dress – long, beautifully ornate skirts and dresses that flow well below the knee so as to conceal the sexually suggestive part of the female anatomy; I can gradually acquire a taste for the breadfruit, coconuts, tarot, tapioca and bananas that grow in abundance; I can even learn how to brandish their “local utensils” (your fingers!); I can allow my body to acclimate itself to the perpetual summer humidity; I can accept the ostentatious display in the heavens – the means by which the Lord closes the day as part of the standard routine; I can act naturally while riding in the bed of a pickup truck like I’ve been doing it for years; I can hone the skill of scaling palm trees, and within minutes be on the ground enjoying the succulence of a fresh coconut; I can deal with the scarcity of paper products (ie: paper towels, toilet paper etc…) and I can become indifferent to sudden or prolonged losses of power; I can embrace the crater size divots that hinder any trips by vehicle into town. I can enjoy the beauty of a star-studded sky complete with neighboring planets and a lucid glimpse of the Milky Way. I can be taught to skin sea cucumbers, search for octopus and spear fish in order to prepare a special off-island picnic. I can allow my feet to become calloused from walking around barefoot. I can get used to the “island time” where time is not so much a constraining factor, but rather something found in limitless quantities – not to be rushed or defined by inflexibility and deadlines. I can appreciate the sounds of island percussion produced synthetically on an electronic keyboard - inextricably connected to Chuukese music. I can devise innovative ways of handling my fear of bugs, spiders and cockroaches. I can practice patience on the nights that are too hot to enjoy a peaceful slumber. I can readjust my sorely limited color spectrum to now include vibrant greens and cool blues in shades Crayola won’t market for decades. I can cultivate and even greater sense of creativity to compensate for lack of resources and lack of visual stimulation (ie: TV, media). I can force myself to adapt to the roles that demand my willingness to fill – such as posing as a literature teacher. I can humble myself to eat off the floor at my sponsor family’s home. I can quell my intense fear of dogs and learn how to fend them off by making an offensive motion and throwing rocks at them. I can revel in the fact that the island of Weno never sees a cloudless blue sky – in the event that I would need something to grab hold of to drift away. I can internalize the impoverished surroundings – one room shanties with tin, rusted roves situated right on the water to make for a convenient sanitation system, a cooking area a few steps away from the house – not far from the pig pen; clothes – tattered men’s XL shirts all the way down to the toddler’s tighty whities strung across the line, with the extras draped over the tin fence serving as somewhat of a buffer between the road and the property. I can master the art of the bucket shower so as to conserve water when it hasn’t rained in quite some time….I can find the time to listen. I can continue to challenge myself. I can ask questions. I can stare into the eyes of the people here and long to understand their story….

and even after all that, I still won’t fit in…….

I will never be able to completely master all of the intricacies of this complex language. I will never be able to entirely understand the difference between the language men are entitled to use to talk to each other, and the common language that includes women. I will never be able to completely reject my tendency to gravitate towards the comfortable. I will never be able to completely adopt their ability to share under the unspoken code that “what’s mine is ours.” I will never be able to run through town without children stopping mid-sentence, mid-game, mid-reverie and staring with mouths agape as I pass by. I will never be able to entirely dissipate my ingrained hierarchy that exists between the community and the individual. I will never be able to look at a pile of 68 rubber bands and string them together in a way only a Chuukese child could so as to fashion a bar over which children can jump – providing hours of entertainment. I will never be able to successfully navigate the numerous cultural taboos that exist between genders. I will never be able to “blend in” as the only white person in a room full of natively tanned Chuukese. I will never be able to escape the system in which the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, for as a teacher in the most prominent High School in Micronesia, situated on the pedestal the locals call Mabuchi Hill – I find myself facing the same dilemma that motivated my departure from the U.S. I will never be able to understand what it is like to never venture beyond the confines of 20 square miles. I will never be able to accept the fact that by virtue of the location and economic situation, Chuuk is a place that renders college degrees more trouble than their worth. I will never be able to empathize with the feelings of hopelessness and despair that leave the inhabitants of Chuuk earning the distinction of posting the world’s highest suicide rate.

I suppose that fitting in was never a legitimate goal to begin with. But that leaves me asking the question – where do I fit in? I recognize that impossibility is not an excuse for apathy, but what is it that I am trying for? If I will forever be on the outside looking through this glass pane, what good am I doing other than posing as the threat that could shatter their protective encasement? Can I truly touch someone’s life through this lucent obstruction?

“I have nothing to do today but smile” ~Garden State Soundtrack

Dilluchei

Her name is Dilluchei Kikuo and she goes by LuA. She nearly brought me to tears. Every Wednesday morning is a sponsored mass. One week by the seniors, next by the juniors and so on. This week was the Freshman sponsored mass. This girl is absolutely beautiful - one of my athletes on the basketball team, one of the brightest in my class....we even share a common bond - our love of Winnie the Pooh.....Sometimes God works through people when we least expect it. She delivered a message this particular Wednesday that I so desperately needed to hear. If she can do it at 14, there is no reason that I can't do it at 22.

Wednesday September 28, 2005


The Gospel of Luke 9: 57-62

As Jesus and his disciples were making their way along, someone said to Jesus, “I will be your follower wherever you go.” Jesus said to him, “Te foxes have lairs, the birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Come after me.” The man replied, “Let me bury my father first.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their dead; come away and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said to him, “ I will be your follower, Lord, but first let me take leave of my people at home.” Jesus answered him, “Whoever puts his hand to the plow but keeps looking back is unfit for the reign of God.”

LuA’s Homily

Upon reflecting on the Gospel, the only thing that comes to my mind is leaving things behind. I consider us who are here right now courageous, ambitious and brave people. Why? It’s because we lefts our homes and everything and we all came to this one place for the same purpose. That is to continue our journey of learning and to further our education. It is not easy, that I know. But still, we mustered up enough courage to come. We left our loved ones and families who we love so much and enjoy being in their presence. We left our friends, whom some of us have known since our younger years and who have been our companions through the obstacles we’ve faced in our lives. We left the good things that can only be found back home. I don’t know about you, but in my case, I miss the food back at home. I bet the Palauans here are already tired of me saying, I really want to go back home because I really miss eating Bemermii, pizza, chicken nuggets and ice cream. Bemermii are these cheeseburger and fried back home that taste so incredibly good. When I was departing from Palau with my cousin, Kendall, he brought Bemermii with him. It was a midnight flight, so everybody was sleeping. But Kendall and I were really busy eating and enjoying. Then I kind of thought, “Man I cant believe this is going to be the last time for me to eat Bemermii this year.” I grew worried, but still I came, and I’m glad I did. I feel privileged to have come to this school. Anyway, not only food and families, we also had to leave behind our bad attitudes and behaviors that are of no use here. All we bring is our true selves. We bring the qualities that best define and show who we really are. on top of that, we also bring fond memories of home. Not to make us feel homesick, but to encourage us to do well and succeed in everything we do. So like Bryant said last week, Hang Loose. Don’t hold on too tight to your tree. For if you do, you may not hear God’s voice in your life. Hang Loose and let go of your tree, so you may answer God’s calling and carry out His will.

Thank You