Saturday, July 30, 2005

Silence

Heeyyy!! Sooo orientation is winding down and GO TIME is rapidly approaching!!! We just returned yesterday from a 2 day silent retreat which was AMAZING!! I have never been on a silent retreat before, and if you have not - i STRONGLY suggest going at some point. Personally, I had always been a little skeptical, never wanted to make the time, but after these past few weeks, I was in DESPERATE need of some quiet time away.

I've always wondered why people are so deathly afraid of silence - of awkward silence - why we feel ourselves compelled to fill that space with idle chatter, and I've come to realize that silence is so intimidating because it is YOU and yourself - no distractions, no masks, no cover ups - you are facing yourself in all of your glory, and all of your demons - and it is scary...silence creates this space in which you are held captive to yourself...The way I see it - what is more beautiful? What is more liberating than confronting the beauty of yourself? Liberating includes the good - the positive the thoughts that are pleasant over which to ruminate. But it includes the bad - the thoughts suppresed, the thoughts tucked away - the thoughts that make us cringe, the thoughts that corrode the inner linings of our soul because we refuse to attend to them. It makes you confront the person that you've molded -the person you've spent 22 +/- years reshaping, fashioning, loving and its truth time - can you sit along and be with the person you are responsible for?

One of my groupmates described the experience something like this "imagine that you are a pot of stew - brewing on the stove right? and silence is this big wooden spoon right? and this big wooden spoon comes in and stirs the pot such that gradually everythign that had been sitting at the bottom of the pot slowly rises up to the top" pretty crazy eh?

So I'm in the chapel for evening prayer the first night that we were there, and there is this thunderstorm RAGING outside the stained glass windows. I'm trying desperately to find some solace in the silence, but am constantly distracted by the crashing thunder & flickering lightining. Gradually this smile spreads across my face and I get up. I leave the chapel, walk past the crowd of people standing at the door watching the storm from inside, and step outside. It is pouring rain. I am drenched. The lighting is masquerading across the sky in ways nobody knew lighting could. The humbling presence of the thunder is so powerful. This thunderstorm just exuded such majesty and dominance over the creation as I knew it.
I'm a firm believer in looking for God in the simple things in life - the little pleasures. I've always said that God does not answer you in lighting bolts and it is ridiculous to spend your life waiting for him to. But that night he did. Two of my groupmates walked up behind me - we just hugged, held hands - words would have marred the moment - there was just this sense of serenity that He was in control, and I was at His mercy. The rain was this cleansing presence washing over me.......and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was where I was supposed to be.

WOW so silent retreat was INTENSE - ha ha that's funny - im confused as to how this orientation has been so far!! But we've got about 3 days left to spend with each other - bonding, sharing - running, playing frisbee - you name it!!!! W'eve been getting an OVERLOAD of site specific information as far as cultural customs, dress codes, stereotypes, gender issues, health issues etc....I'll be able to provide a better glimpse in to reality once I get there - but where we're going - AIN'T KANSAS!!!! :-) but will be beautiful and wonderful in its own way.

I simply ask for your prayers as these last few days get a little more and more strenuous, and as my heart become anxious. Please know taht you have all been in my prayers, the retreat was such a beautiful time to reflect on how much YOU mean to me & the impact you had had on my life - the reason I have come to this point - and am standing on the verge of this monumental transition.....

thank you

My Love,
My Prayers,

~Jaclyn

Nothing is ore practical than finding God, that is than falling in love in a quite absolute and final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imaginiation, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings. How you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.

~Pedro Arrupe

Monday, July 25, 2005

Fo' REAL!!??

OHHH MAANNN they just handed out our plane tickets today!!!! That was a reality shock I was not expecting!! Of course it's exciting - but now that the tickets are IN OUR POSESSION - it is much more real than before!! We leave Scranton at 5:30 AM Monday morning for Newark airport along with the groups going to the Marshall Islands and Belize. THe Belize kids fly to Dallas & then on to Belize and will arrive around 2 in the afternoon on the 1st. The Island groups however fly directly to Honolulu around 1:30 pm - spend 2 nights in Hawaii and fly out to Micronesia and 7AM on August 4th!!!! ha ha yeah we are pretty amped!!

This week continues to be wonderful - though filled with so many ups and downs!! Just sooooo much to struggle with in preparation for this craaazzyyy adventure, but it's good because I know I'm being pushed in ways i've never been pushed before. The past few days i've gotten up to run with some of the runners in the group - there are SOO MANNYY!!! And daily we either round up some competetive games of basketball or ultimate!!! Since we're sitting in sessions all day - ANYTHING we can do to run around has been fantastic!!! Ha ha - AJ, Chris and I also conducted a RAP battle for one of our evening activities!!! I have a feeling between the 3 of us - we are never going to be at a loss for creativity. We had Mass at the Jesuit Residence yesterday and it was simply amazing, definately a highlight of the week - to be in a space SOOO filled with the Holy Spirit, so filled with faith. I was simply overwhelmed, everyone sang, everyone prayed, everyone held hands at the Our Father everyone was so passionately devoted to being in that space for that hour - i did not want it to end!!! again - i reiterate - these people blow me away!! So then I'm leaving the Jez Rez after a fantastic bbq and who do i run into - but the one & only Netterzzzzz - and i'm seeing my parents todayyy on the afternoon break that they give us!!! I'm being soo spoiled because I live so close!!! However - that in itself is quite the culture shock - to be in a place where I AM THE ONLY ONE FROM JUST OUTSIDE PHILLY!!! There is a kid from Jersey City and the Bronx - and taht's IT!!!! everyone else is from all over the country & I LOVE IT!!!
So all in all the week has been great, and I know this upcoming week is going to get much more intense as emotions will run strong, fears deep and as we become more vulnerable to the experiences that await us. Thank you for your continued support and prayers - you have no idea how it continues to pull me through on a daily basis. I know that because of you all the Lord is working double time to be present with me through these few weeks!!! and I am so very grateful!! So with a little help from the inspiration of Lynette - I share my prayer/His words in response to your faith:

I am committed forever to love you; to do whatever is best for you. I will be kind, encouraging and enabling, but I will also be challenging. At times I will come to comfort you in your affliction. At other times, I will come to afflict you in your comfort. Whatever I do, it will ALWAYS be an act of Love and an invitation to Growth. I will be with you to illuminate your darkness, to strengthen your weakness, to fill your emptiness, to heal your brokenness, to cure your sickness, to straighten what may be bent in you, and to revive whatever good things may have died in you. Remain united in me, accept my love, enjoy the warmth of my friendship, avail yourself to my power and you will bear much fruit. You will have life in all its fullness. I Love You....
Your Jesus

Thursday, July 21, 2005

You Are Called

So I typically spend my days sitting in awe at these people who I am so blessed to be among. It is such an honor, and such a challenge to me to look around and be amidst people of such strong faith. Though our days together have been few so far, I find they are constantly pushing me to grow. They all come here with so much to offer, and all I can do is sit and absorb from them. It is truly a privledge, though a very humbling experience nonetheless. We are all becoming so close, so quickly. It has been really tough the first few days being at that point where everyone is definately more than an acquaintance, though not yet close enough for physical contact, and to come from a week FILLED with hugs that never ended - such close beautiful human touch, to an absence of that has been hard. It makes you realize how much you crave someone's hand to hold, or shoulder, or hug because you know how much they love you for who you are. I had just finished writing about how desperately I needed some form of human touch and a presenter made us do an exercise that focused on the power of our hands, ending with the invitation to outstretch our hands and feel the pulse through the hand of our neighbor. It is moments like that that I am so grateful for your prayers, becuase I know He is listening to you, and is so very present with me. He even sent a JQ (Jim QUirk) look alike - similar looks, similar sense of humor, and he's even in my small group! Definately a comforting presence being here with someone I know quite well(sort of)!! (Needless to say, those barriers will and are slowly crumbling as we get to know each other so much better.) These JV's are such a fun-loving group of people - just willing to try anything. Tonight I taught everyone the shoe game (FRIES SOUNDOFF!!) and they LOVED IT!!!! then we proceeded to play tug of war and double dutch for hours!!!! There is just such an imminent sense of love and passion here that is becoming so very tangible.

Yesterday a few of the former JV's sat down the new JV"s who are going to Chuuk, and Majuro in the Marshall Islands and did a native Island farewell dance/song and gave us authentic island necklaces!!!! Their way of passing on the torch - and it was WONDERFUL!!!! our first real taste!! AJ, Chris and I have not taken off our necklaces!!! :-)

The days are LONG and INTENSE!! but definately helpful!!! In one of the sessions the presenter shared this with us, and I hope that you might enjoy it as much as I did. Just remember these words when you doubt yourself and your beauty....

You Are Called
There is an old tradition that the creator sends each person into this world with a special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, witha special act of love to bestow. No one else can speak my message, or sing my song, or offer my act of love. These have been entrusted only to me.

According to this tradition, the message may be spoken, the song sung, the act of love delivered to a few, or to all the people in a small town, or all the people in a large city, or even to all the people in the whole world. It all depends on God's unique plan for each unique person.

So from my heart, I want to say this to you - please believe that you have an important message to deliver, you have a beautiful song to sing, and a unique act of love to warm this world and to brighten its darkness.

And when the final history of hte world is written, your message, your song, and your love will be recorded gratefully, and forever.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

July 19, 2005 I MADE IT TO SCRANTON

After one of the hardest weeks of my life, I MADE IT TO SCRANTON! Though I do not know what lies ahead, I am still confident that the goodbyes were/will be collectively one of the hardest parts of this decision. "How blessed am I to have a love so great that makes saying goodbye so hard?" The fact that it has been so hard to leave just means that I have been given some of the most amazingly beautiful relationships that I cherish dearly and do not want to loose.

Though the majority of July 17th was painfully difficult, as soon as I stepped foot into the chapel with all of the other volunteers, I felt such a calming presence. These people simply have a spirit about them that gives me strength and composure to keep breathing one breath at a time. I also got to meet A.J. and Chris, with whom I will be living in Chuuk - and they are simply phenomenal. They enjoy dancing - nearly as much as I do!! NEED I SAY MORE!!!?? A.J. is from Holy Cross, and Chris is from Wisconsin and actually went to school at Marquette High with Jdemps!!! small world!

The days here all seem to be PACKED with info sessions - the JVI covenant, culture shock, mission, purpose etc... - a lot to manage, but we've got some nice down time interspersed which gives us some time to hang out, play basketball, apples to apples, the ride the pony game (ha ha if you know what i'm talking about - SUCH a great game!!) & process it all. We're staying in Gavigan Hall (Lynette's old stomping ground) which i might add is quite a confusing building - but they have been in the process of replacing all of the toilets - JUST FOR US (or so we'd like to think) which makes for an interesting scene when navigating the hall amidst a collection of free standing johns!!

So I know it's only been not even three days, but things are going well so far!! Hopefully next time i'll be back with a more coherent & informative posting!!! :-) Love and Prayers!